Stuff I miss

1. My grandmother Today I want to go to her house and play Gin Rummy with her. I want to eat her potato salad and sit on her furniture. I want to smell her smells and hear her stories.

2. James Hillman

There are days that I wake and I realize that James Hillman is really dead and that I will never hear him speak again. I go to Youtube and try and find a clip that captures who he was to me and I can never find it and it only makes me feel worse. I re-read his books and remember his lectures and doing all of this only makes his absence more intense.

3. Apricots

I never see apricots anymore. Did I miss the breaking news, are apricots extinct?

4.  Blogging daily

I miss being able to write everyday. And I miss being able to read everyday. I like my life the way it is but sometimes I miss my life the way it was.

5. Summers off

Summers used to be the times when I read and read and read. I want a summer of reading. I want it to be the kind of summer that feels like it lasts forever and I want each day to be filled with a book that opens up a new world in me.

6. The promise of some future self that would completely surprise me

I know who I am. I know, pretty much, what I'll do and where I'll go. I miss that feeling that today I might turn a corner and meet someone who could change my entire life forever. I know its still possible; only today it feels less likely.

7. Having a body that wasn't so impacted by stress, sleeplessness or diet

I want to have a body that doesn't punish me for neglecting it. And I don't want to have to take medicine or Advil or go to doctors or give up gluten.

8. Having hair that I could let dry in the sun and that didn't require many products to make it look good.

9. Grad school

I miss lectures, reading, and writing papers and learning new things. I miss that feeling of potential that one has when one is in school. I have patients who are in grad school and I see them wanting to rush through the process and I constantly finding myself wanting to tell them how lucky they are to be just where they are.

10. Wanting

Before I could afford stuff I used to think that getting stuff would make me happy. The sad truth is that stuff can't make you happy. I sort of miss believing that. It was nice to believe that if only I could have those Kate Spade shoes I would be happy.  I do miss that.

What do you miss? Come on, tell me....You know there's something you miss. Please share!